The Testimony of a Friend

Today I'd like to talk about a more sober subject, that of despair and rescue and the priceless value of friends.

The other day, I was having a hard time mentally and spiritually. I was feeling sorry for myself and was descending into the depths of depression. To those who scoff at this and feel it week, rejoice that you do not know what it is like to be caught in an irreversible downward spiral. 'Pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps' is as futile as a swimmer caught in the tide far from the shore. Sometimes even the strongest and most experienced swimmer simply cannot fight the inexorable pull of the tide. This is what depression is like. We simply cannot pull out of it by ourselves. We need someone else.

Fortunately, there is someone else. Christ has suffered "pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind... he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will ... take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people." (Alma 7:11-12) As Elder Holland reminded us this last conference, He even suffered the pain and loneliness of having the Father withdraw His spirit, leaving our Savior completely alone for a short time. Christ has felt everything we could possibly feel and because of this, He can comfort us in a way no one else can.

So, with this knowledge, imagine my despair when after earnest prayer I was still feeling forsaken and alone. I was feeling abandoned. I reached out to a wonderful friend, saying that I felt totally alone, even though I had been sitting in front of the Provo temple and praying for deliverance . My friend's response was simple: "Pray and ask Him to be there or that you can feel him." My first thought was, 'Well, that's simplistic and no help at all- that's what I've been doing!' But then I did it, and I realized something: by offering this simple advice, my friend had given me their testimony to build upon. I could grab hold of the testimony of this friend, and use it as a boost to grab hold of the Spirit and the Savior's love.

Herein lies the value of bearing testimony by actions. My friend's response was not simply 'I know the Lord will help you out' but a call to action, allowing me to inherit their faith (in the sense of the word 'inherit' as it occurs in computer programming- to be able to use, to have access to) and build upon it. It became a bridge to the Lord. No longer was I just me, stuck in the downward spiral, unable to pull myself out. I could know start where my friend was at, on stable ground, and thus have an avenue to the Savior's love that I could not open myself. With those dozen or so words, and the faith and example of the person who shared them, I received a spiritual jumpstart that allowed me to feel the Savior's love and then continue on in my spiritual recovery through His Atonement.

So I guess what I mean to say with all this is that just realize that you don't have to do anything dramatic to rescue someone; it's not our calling to do everything to save our friends. Rather, our small and simple actions, coupled with a background of faith, often provide more help than we might know. That random smile or simple phrase that perhaps wasn't intended to be earth-shattering just might have turned their outlook from darkness and despair to light and the love of Christ.

A good friend is more valuable than all the popularity, all the gold, and all the pomp and circumstance of the world.

nTop Goodness

At work, I was introduced to an awesome tool called ntop. It takes the concept of the Unix 'top' system monitoring utility and applies it to network monitoring. It lets you monitor the amount of traffic, the type (by TCP/UDP port) of traffic, and the remote hosts that are being contacted. Best of all, it's open source and distributed as source code, which means it can be installed on any architecture you can get it to work on. By using the DarwinPorts software, I was able to install it on my Macbook. Sweet!

To install, all I had to do was follow the instructions on the ntop DarwinPort page. It did take about 40 minutes to install all the required dependancies, but once installed I was in business. To run ntop, I had to issue the command 'sudo ntop -i en1' so that it would have the required privileges and would listen on the proper interface. Once it is running, just point your browser to 127.0.0.1:xxxx, where xxxx is the port you told it to display the results through. I use the -k switch to send it to another port, so I forget the default.

From this main window, you can view a whole host of info about the traffic running through the specified interface. My favorite views are Network Load Statistics and Info About . For Network Load Statistics, go to Summary -> Network Load. This view gives you graphs of aggregate traffic in the last 10 minutes, Hour, Day, and Month. It's a great way to monitor just how much traffic you are putting out onto the network. Info About can be accessed by going to IP -> Traffic Direction -> Local to Remote, then clicking on your IP address. If you scroll down to the bottom, it will give you a list of ports in use, along with the amount of traffic on each port and the service commonly associated with it. It's a great way to monitor if any unwanted services are running on your machine. If you use ntop's ability to listen to data forwarded from a port on a network switch (google for ntop user guides and you'll find more info on this; I've not used this feature), you can monitor all outbound traffic from your internal network to the internet. So, if you're running a business and want to monitor your network for filesharing programs, or identify what applications are using up the greatest amount of your bandwidth, ntop is the tool for you.

So, this is just a brief overview of ntop. Install it. Use it. Love it. It's great fun.

Zions from Pictures!

Pictures from Zions!

Starting down the Narrows

Candace leading the way

The Narrows, with Dave perched on a ledge to escape the cold spring water

On our way back

Randomness (Or My Feet Are Numb!)

And now for a random blog post about nothing much in particular, except for Zions. Friday night I was walking home from campus and my friend stopped me and asked if I wanted to go to Zion National Park the next day. That turned out to be one of the most fun decisions I have ever made. We left early. I woke up at 5:15, which I think is a record for me since I've been home from my mission (and even before!). We all piled into a 15 passenger van for the ride down. Once we got there, we did a short hike to the Emerald Pool. I was feeling very 'touristy' during this hike- busy trail, lots of people with cameras, etc etc.

Then we went and hiked the Narrows (or at least attempted to, anyways). The Virgin river is relatively high with runoff, and it's all still very cold because it never sees the sunlight as it winds its way through the canyon. Very few people dared to get into the river to hike up the Narrows (the river filled the canyon from side to side). Well, Candace was the brave soul who climbed in first. Boy does she have guts! The rest of us followed after, some because we wanted to (I was totally for it), some because of peer pressure (sad to say, I contributed to it). We zig-zagged our way up the canyon, going from side to side, dry spot to dry spot, for about 10 minutes, until we all agreed that it was time to go back. My legs and feet were numb, but I was starting to get annoyed by the cold. It's over 24 hours later, and my hiking boots are still a tad damp. It was so awesome! Such a sense of accomplishment to get across the river that first time. Normally I'm not one to draw attention to myself (I normally try to avoid it!), but I had no qualms about thrusting my fist in the air and screaming at the top of my lungs after I made that first crossing, even though there were about two dozen tourists on the other side.

We hit In-n-Out Burgers in Washington on the way back (I don't see what the hubub is- they're good burgers, but nothing incredible) and then started the trip back. Kudos to Chris for driving all the way there and back. We got home at about 12:30. That was the funnest (to all you grammar freaks out there: I don't care!) day in my college experience thus far. Word!

O Ye Mountains High

The latest in my series of infrequent posts has to do with a subject near and dear to my heart. I love the mountains. They are at the same time peaceful and massive. Today I hiked up to the Y- yes, I know it's kind of a cliche here at BYU, but holy smokes. After a long hike, there's nothing better than to look out over all the small buildings and cars far below and feel so free from it all (ok, so female company would make it better). It gives you a unique perspective over life, to be able to see the buildings that are indicative of your life shrink to utter insignificance when compared to the majesty of the mountain.

Having lived near mountains all my life, they lose their grandeur when viewed from below. They become two-dimensional cardboard cutouts on the horizon. Seemingly much more impressive is the massive Joseph F. Smith Building or the SWKT, or perhaps the Wells Fargo building in downtown Salt Lake. And yet, after hiking up a thousand feet, these buildings become tiny playthings. You look off in the distance and see the mountains rise up on the sides of the valley, you see where houses end and nature begins, and any of mankind's accomplishments pale in comparison.

To me, the mountains are a place of quiet meditation and calm reflection. In ancient days, when the Lord wanted to convey special information or revelation, he called His prophets to the mountains. Moses, Abraham, Nephi, and the Brother of Jared where taught on mountain tops. When the Savior prepared Peter, James, and John to receive the keys of the kingdom he took them to a mountain, now called the Mount of Transfiguration. Now, we have temples, "Mountains of the Lord," for these sacred purposes and I do not mean in any way to detract from their importance. There we can receive blessings available nowhere else. However, I believe mountains can still be places of spiritual importance. When I am in the mountains, I am away from the cares of the world. The busy life is left behind at the trailhead, and I have time to reflect, free from worry or care. I can begin to reflect on what really matters- love, the Gospel of Christ, family, the meaning of life, and so much more.

This is why I hike.